someone owes me an orgasm
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
