So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
