I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
