I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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