Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
