"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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