My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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