Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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