If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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