that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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