I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He did a backflip because drugs
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