ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pants are for mortals
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
