Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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