i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
