and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
