when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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