someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
