I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
