So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
