don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
