OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
