He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
