Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The adults are the big ones right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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