this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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