the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
