I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drunk is not a location!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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