You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
