I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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