Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
