i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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