He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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