i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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