Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
