i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
