who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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