I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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