I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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