I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
