And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The convent might be a nice break from real life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
