just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
