Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
