you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
