She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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