i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
