My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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