to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
