so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
