He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
