My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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