is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
