I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You made out with two different species that night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
