On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
