so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
