Where is the hickey?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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