This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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