It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
