I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think your dad took our porno
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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